iXavier
by XxSeddieAddictxX
Summary: This is about Freddie's troubled brother Xavier, who has autism, ALL cancer , Tourrettes, and epilepsy. The story is of how Freddie's family struggles with his condition. It is a story of love, hate, pain, and family. Based of Xavier from iGiveUp. Seddie
1. Intro

iXavier

A/N: I mentioned in one of my stories about Freddie's autistic-savant brother named Xavier William. This character is mine, and is based on my autistic cousin named William. This story is all about Xavier, and sometimes from his POV, Freddie is narrating mostly though, a lot of Xavier POV as well, and some Mrs. Benson narration. William, however doesn't have ALL, or Tourrerttes', just autism, but I thought this would be better for the later chapters. Seddie implications. Not the main ship or theme.

* * *

INTRO

I am trapped.

Trapped inside this box.

I can't breath.

Freddie.

Mom.

That girl Sam.

Why can't I talk to you when I want to?

Why can't I tell you that I know you love that girl?

Why?

Why am I lying here in this white room.

Darkness.

All I see now.

Oh Freddie. How I wish I could tell you all about this.

You're my idol Freddie.

I am sorry.

Sorry for all of this.

--FREDDIE POV--

We heard from Xavier today. His vitals are good. The ALL is waning away. Xavier is 12 1/2 years old, and he has cancer. He also has autism, and Tourrettes' AND epilepsy. Xavier isn't healthy. He was born 3 months too soon. Mom is so overprotective because of this. Xavier is so helpless there. He just lies there, his soft brown hair, and his bright blue eyes.

Why God?

Why him? Why does my little brother have to be like this.

So broken.....

And no one knows how to put him back together.....

--MRS. BENSON POV--

Xavier was my last child. I didn't want anymore after Xavier.

He's so sick. He's so sad to look at.

My baby.......

Freddie....

I don't want him to get hurt.

After all, Sapphyre, Brennan, (he's older than Freddie in this fic) and Bella have all left.

It's just Freddie and Xavier.

Freddie needs to be healthy, he needs to be alive.

I can't stand to lose anymore of them.

--XAVIER POV--

Why are they sticking needles in my arm? Something about a cathetar? Help! Freddie, oh Freddie, where are you? I haven't seen you since my birthday! Freddie......

I hate this box!

It's so small........

I can't breath.......

--SAM POV--

Freddie has a brother.

His name is Xavier, he's two years younger than us.

But only one grade behind us. He's 12 1/2, and I just turned 14, same with Freddie.

Xavier looks different from most of the Benson's.

His hair is a softer brown, and his eyes shining blue rather than chocolate brown.

Xavier was a good kid.

I don't know why this happened to him.

Carly doesn't know he exists.

Every time Freddie and his mom goes to visit him, I go to.

--FREDDIE POV--

Xavier, he's such a sweet boy.

He never hurt anyone, and never ever complained about what's going on right now.

Then again, he can't.

I wish that I could reach into his brain, and fix all the broken switches, and get them working right (paraphrase from the book 'Rules' I forgot the author, but it's a book about an autistic boy as well).

Sam loves him just as much as I do. She always goes with us to visit Xavier.

Carly? You ask about how this affects Carly?

Well, the truth is, she doesn't know I even have siblings.

He's so small........so hopeless.

I hate this.

I hate it that he can't do everything I can.

I hate that he is the way he is.

From the seizures, to the tics, to the non comprehension, to every little thing that happens to him can harm him!

Doctor's say he won't make it past 35.

We can't seem to get through to him.

He's lost forever.

--XAVIER POV--

Where am I?

Why am I here?

I need to know these things?

Where's mom?

Freddie?

Sam?

Sam and Freddie..........

They love each other.

I wish I could tell them I know that.

But I'm trapped inside this box!

**Help!**

* * *

A/N: Ok, tell me if I should go on with iXavier, if you like the idea of Freddie having a disabled brother, and if it should continue, or I should give up on the idea. Review please so I know if I should continue this or stop it completly!


	2. Chapter 1: iAmTrapped!

iAmTrapped

A/N: So, some people liked my iXavier story, so here's my second chapter to satisfy Romance and Musicals, who has practically read and reviewed all of my recent stories. Thanks Samantha! AU in some ways, i.e- Freddie's brother Brennan is older than him in this fic.

* * *

--XAVIER POV--

I have figured out, somewhat why I am lying in this cold white sheet of ice.

I have something called ALL, which stands for Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia, and apparently, I have a bad case of it whatever it is. I also have Tourrettes Syndrome, which explains my jerking and out noises, and also, I guess I have autism too. IS that why I'm trapped in this box? I don't want to be trapped anymore...........I want to be free. Like Freddie, and Sam, and mom.

Freedom!

Help!

Oh no, what's happening, why are people surrounding me?

Another catheter?

--NORMAL POV--

"His blood count is low, quick, someone get me the transfusion!" (A/N: OK, I have no idea how to do this, so there's not going to be much doctor talk here, Kay?) Doctor Johannes cried out, snapping at one of the nurses.

--XAVIER POV--

What?

My blood count?

Mom, help.

Please, call my mother!

--FREDDIE POV--

I was sitting in English class, when Mrs. Briggs' said, "Fredward, go down to the principals."

I got up, shockingly, and walked down to Mr. Franklin's office.

"MOM!?"

"Yes, Freddie, hurry up, Xavier's blood count is extremely low, and he needs us, "Mrs. Benson said hurriedly.

"Ok, but can Sam come?" I asked, unsure of visiting my little brother without my friend there.

"Sure."

Freddie ran back to class and said, "Sam, my mom wants you to come with us to see X-I," I said in her ear.

"Mrs. Briggs', my mom wants to pull me and Sam out for the rest of the day, it's an emergency," I told the teacher.

"Very well, one less child to teach," she snapped at us.

I wonder about that lady sometimes.

X-I was the code Sam and I made up for Xavier. The first letter of his first name, and second letter of his middle name. This was when we were like 5 1/2, so cut us some slack.

I bet you're wondering why Carly doesn't even know Xavier exists.

It's because I don't really trust her.

I mean, she's my best friend and she's a really good one at that, but there's something in my mind that tells me not to trust her with this secret.

Yes, I know, I'm officially nuts for trusting Sam with this and not Carly.

I guess, Sam can relate.

Sam had ALL at a time (shocking, isn't it, lol, but it adds to the Seddiness, lol.), but it went away when she was 9, and she just had a 5 year relapse, so she just recovered.

Carly doesn't know about that either.

I guess, Carly doesn't know anything about me.

Or Sam.

So here we are, in my mother's Prius, driving to Tacoma's St. Jude's Children's Hospital.

"We're here to see Xavier William Benson," mom said to one lady in a white dress.

"Family?" she asked, narrowing her eyes.

"Yes, I'm his mother, and this is his brother," mom added.

"And the girl?" she asked again, her eyes filled with disgust.

I could punch her. How dare she talk about Sam like that. Like she was just an object, oh the things I would to do this lady if I could.

Wait.

Why am I angry about this?

Sam has been torturing me since the end of the third grade.

Doesn't she deserve this?

I'm trying to force myself to believe this but it's impossible, I snapped out of it and heard mom say, "No, but she's Xavier's good friend."

"Sorry, family only," the lady said, examining her nails.

I'm fuming. "NO!" I yelled. "You let her in, she's Xavier's closest friend."

"Whatever, I'll let this freak in," she sighed.

"She. Is. Not. A. Freak," I hissed, getting into the lady's face. "And don't you dare call her that."

--SAM POV--

Whoa. Freddie's standing up for me.

Wow, this is nice.

Funny too.

Freddie is standing inches away from this lady's face.

Heh, he's kinda cute when he's pissed.

Oh crap.

Get out of it Sam!

I can't like Freddie!

He's just cute, sensitive, nice, funny, lovable, defensive, loyal....

Oh crap.

This can't be happening!

--FREDDIE POV--

Wow.

I stood up for Sam.

That was.......wow.

I stood up for the girl who always puts me down.

And I kinda liked it.

* * *

A/N: short chapter, but the first Seddie implications. The visit to Xavier and a little more Seddie in the next chapter. Review please!


	3. Chapter 2: iAmHere

iAmHere

A/N: Hehehe, it's HERE! Plus, some slight Christian views, though nothing against gays, but mention of Jesus and some stuff, not overly though.

There's a lot of Seddie in this chap too, so it's not ALL about Xavier, but most of it is.

* * *

Freddie Benson rushed into room 209 which read 'XAVIER BENSON- ALL, AND OTHER SEVERE BRAIN/PHYSICAL CASES'. "Zavi!!! Xavier, can you hear me?" Freddie asked, looking at his so small brother.

Xavier was always small for his age, but now he looked even smaller.

His head was full of soft brown curls, but the chemo had taken all of that away. His eyes, however, were and still are a shocking shade of blue.

--FREDDIE BENSON--

I hate him.

I hate God, and Xavier.

I hate them so much.

I hate Xavier because he made me feel this.

This pain and regret.

I know it's not his fault he's so helpless, and so innocent.

But I hate him anyways.

I hate God too.

He made him this way.

He took my sweet innocent little brother.

And he hurt him.

He hurt him so badly, he can barely talk, and barely breath.

I HATE IT!

My God. I hate looking at him, lying there, his eyes blank, his face pallid and apathetic.

His eyes, so cold, so dark.

Like no one's in there.

He's lifeless.

WHY?!

I can't understand.

Why is he like this?

So sad....

So little...

He's 12, going to be 13 on April 19th.

But he resembles a small 9 year old.

He's lying there, doctors swarming around, doing things to him.

"Quick, spinal tap, hurry, the count is lowering," I heard a doctor mutter.

I was suddenly pushed away from my brother, "Sorry kid, but we need the room," he said.

I watched from the side as Xavier's eyes widened at the sight of the long needle. "No, you're going to hurt him," I whispered.

They turned Xavier over on his side, and he had a violent neck-cracking tic. "Calm down son," a doctor said to him.

"E-eh-ma-la," he stuttered out.

Emla is a cream that numbs the skin before a shot. "Sorry Zave, not enough time," a nurse who I later learned was Evelyn.

Xavier's eyes were fearful. The nurse lade called me over, "You're his brother, aren't you?" she said to me.

I nodded.

"Hold his hand, it'll help him a little," she instructed.

I walked over to Xavier and grasped his tiny hand.

Then I remembered as Xavier said, "Sammy."

"Sam," I called out.

She turned around, "Yeah?"

"Hold his other hand," I told her, gesturing to his other hand.

She tentatively walked over to him and gently took his small hand.

I saw the bad side. The needle was practically shoved into his back. I nearly cried as I heard Xavier cry softly.

"Drain the port," they said softly over my little brother's soft sobs.

Sam's eyes were brimmed with tears as memories flooded back.

She always had me there when they did spinal taps, marrow draws, and everything.....

--FLASHBACK--

"It's gonna be okay Sammy, I promise," I said one day when we were six years old.

She was lying in bed, and was about to get her spinal done. "Hold my hand Freddie?" she whispered.

I grabbed her hand.

They tapped the needle in, and she squeezed my hand softly. I had closed my eyes, but when I opened them, she was there, curled into a ball, sobbing.

I climbed into her bed, lay down next to her and started my old, "It's OK Sammy," chant. It was late at night, and when her parents and my mom came in, they found me, and her lying next to her, my arm around her body, breathing softly.

--END FLASHBACK--

I winced as I saw Xavier's tears soak up his shirt, it was so sad.

He was a strong little kid.

--SAM POV--

This was exactly what happened to me when Freddie and I were six.

I hated that part of my life.

Every time they were going to do something to me when I had my ALL, Freddie was right there, holding my hand.

He use to call me Sammy, and he still does.

Just, not when Carly's around.

--XAVIER POV--

Freddie.

It hurts.

Sam.

Sam is back.

Her and Freddie both.

I heard autism can be mainstreamed.

So that must be why I have been going to those rooms every day.

So I can be normal.

A little.

Sam, she's very pretty.

And Freddie knows it.

--FREDDIE POV--

It's around 12:15 AM, and I'm sitting in a chair next to Xavier's bed. I don't know why.

Sam is in the chair besides me, curled up into a ball, sleeping away.

Her curly blond hair covers her mouth. I quickly brush it away, and she shudders at my tough, but sleeps on. I suddenly had an idea.

I bowed my head and closed my eyes, my hands clasped together.

"Dear God,

I'm Freddie Benson, Of course, you know that already.

God, I don't want anything else from you.

Just one thing.

I want Xavier to live.

Tourrettes, autism, and epilepsy are incurable, but I heard he can grow out of his ALL.

That's all I ask God,

Save him.

Save my little brother."

There was the steady beep of the heart rate monitor next to me.

"You okay," I heard a soft voice say from beside me.

I picked up my head to find Sam staring at me. "I'm fine," I mutter.

She rubs her eyes and yawns. "Sam," I began.

Suddenly, without warning, my eyes flood with tears that spill over relentlessly. Sam just looked at me for a second before pulling me into her warmth. I was on the floor, my head in her lap, sobbing like a baby. "Sh, Freddie, it's ok," she soothed, stroking my hair.

She then gently picked up my head, and stood up and sat down on the floor next to me.

Then, she leant my body against hers, and I cried into her shoulder.

Then, our eyes met, once again.

I fell in love.

Her blue eyes are so entrancing.

Dang it.

So here we are.

Staring at each other.

And before ya' know it.

I kiss her.

She tastes like strawberries.

* * *

A/N: Aw, Seddie kisses! Lol, more on Xavier next chappie, I promise.


	4. Chapter 3: iAmScared

iAmScared

A/N: This time, it's mainly Xavier, not so much Seddie, but c'mon, the kiss guys, the kiss in the last chapter, like it or hate it?

* * *

--FREDDIE POV--

So, I wake up to to the dazzling sun in my eyes. I hear Xavier's heart monitor and it's steady beep. I smell strawberries.

I look down, there she is.

Samantha Puckett is lying across my chest.

There's a blanket covering both of us.

I wonder why she's here like this.

I then remember what happened the night before.

I sat up a little bit, and realized Sam and I were on the floor.

My mom walked in quietly. "Mom?" I asked.

"Freddie," she whispered, leaning down so I could see her face-to-face.

"Sam and you fell asleep on the floor like this, and I didn't want to disturb you, so I just covered you with this blanket," she explained.

"What about Xavier?" I asked.

Mom's eyes filled with tears. "Freddie, Xavier, he is sicker than we thought. Tumor, now, a tumor's in his head, and they're going to remove it when his vitals are better. But the truth is, now, he's on Life Support Freddie," mom said, crying silently.

She then left the room.

Life Support.

Xavier.

I looked down at Sam.

She is beautiful.

I brush some hair out of her face.

There she is, soft pink rosy cheeks, and a smile that could kill.

How come I never noticed this before?

Sam then woke up

"Freddie," she whispered.

Shivers crawl up my spine as she says my name and looks at me. "Yes, Sam?" I whisper back.

She sat up. Her hair was messed up, but I don't care. She just stares at me. Her eyes are a cool blue, and they make me feel so light. Silence came upon us. The only noise the the monitor across the room. "I heard about Xavier," she whispered into my ear.

We were both sitting, she was in between my straddled legs, her head in the arc of my neck. We sat there for a while before she said, "He can't die."

"Sam........" I began, but she interrupted me.

"He cant," she said firmly. "He can't! I didn't! I lived! I'm here right now, with you," Sam said, tears spilling out of her eyes.

I hated watching her like this.

So broken.

And so desperate. I pulled her into my arms and she said to me, "Freddie, Xavier needs to live, he needs you more than I do, I would've let go a long time ago if I knew Xavier would not live. I should have, so you would have Xavier."

I can't believe she's saying this. "No!"I say fiercely. "Sam, you're my best friend, and you lived for a REASON! Xavier will live. I'm positive."

Sam just sat there. "Freddie. Xavier's your brother. I'm your friend. He's family. I'm not," she said in a shaky voice.

I grabbed her hands. "But you ARE family! Your my best friend, and I love you," I said to her.

She collapsed in tears. "Freddie," she said.

I just held her in my arms.

Suddenly it was silent.

Including Xavier's heart monitor.

I ran out of the room, shouting "HELP! HELP!" until a doctor came with a concerned look on his face.

"My brother," I gasped.

He was confused until I managed to gasp out ,"Room 205."

The doctor ran like a flipping girl when I said that.

I ran back to my brother.

They were standing over him with defibrillators. "Check 1, 2, 3," they said.

I felt a small soft hand slip into mine.

I turned around and Sam was behind me, fear in her blue eyes.

I pulled her to me and whispered to Xavier. "Come on Xavier, you can do it, be strong, I know you'll make it."

I turned around for a couple of seconds before hearing a sharp intake of breath, making me whip my head around.

Xavier was lying there, eyes rolling up, gasping for breath.

--XAVIER POV--

Darkness.

Pain.

I can't see anymore.

I can't see!

HELP!

--FREDDIE POV--

I'm waiting outside of Xavier's room, Sam's here too, in my arms.

She's scared.

I am too.

A pale doctor approached us. "Are you related to Xavier William Benson?"

I nodded.

He looked nervous then cleared his throat before saying, "Son, I have bad news."

I nodded my head, waiting for him to continue.

"Xavier is........"

* * *

A/N: Ooh, my 1st cliffie :D, R/R if you want to know more about Xavier's condition!


	5. Chapter 4: iPray

iPray

A/N: So, what IS wrong with Xavier?

* * *

--FREDDIE POV--

The doctor took another breath before saying, "Xavier is in a coma."

It felt like the blood in my veins had frozen over. "S-so, will, h-h-e," I stuttered before whispering, "die?"

The doctor cleared his throat before stating sadly, "The ALL is waning again, but that tumor is going to be pretty tricky to get out, so the surgery, will be life threatening."

I fell to the ground in shock. "There's a 40-20 chance of survival," the doctor said sadly.

Less than half. I feel faint.

Darkness overcomes my sight.

--NORMAL POV--

Freddie's fainted.

Sam quickly heaved the boy to a chair before saying to the doctor, "Xavier, he's going to be alright though, right?" she said nervously.

"We aren't sure," the doctor said with a small, pitiful smile.

Sam just collapsed into the chair next to Freddie's.

The doctor left them, feeling very guilty.

Freddie then came to about 15 minutes later. Sam was there next to him, staring at him. "Xavier can't die," she said firmly.

Freddie just stared at her.

--FREDDIE POV--

Xavier's in a coma.

He's in a coma.

Which means one thing:

That machine, the one by his bed.

It keeps me tethered to earth.

Otherwise.

I would be dead.

(A/N: I was thinking of ending the chapter here, but that would be unfair to you guys, so here's the rest)

Sam is staring at me intensely with those blue eyes.

God, I hate this.

I hate being so weak.

Gosh Benson.

Be a man.

That is, until Sam said to me, "Freddie, it's okay to cry."

Which is when I let it out.

* * *

A/N: I know, I know short chapter, I promise you a nice long one for either this, or iHYL


End file.
